Stand Behind Your Man? Yep, new ways to date in 2020.
Forget leaning in, why you need to lean back when it comes to dating.
I will admit, this sounds a little archaic; except this is about seeming to follow your man. But, by acquiescing, you allow your man to think he’s in control by taking the lead in the outside world; you lead the way where it really counts—in his heart.
So many women think it’s just the opposite. And wonder why their dating lives stall and putter out (usually six months in), yet with different guys.
Then they make statements to everyone near and far, at church or at a bar, that ain’t no man gon tell them what to do!
Good luck with that sista.
If you haven't been living under a rock since 2013, a certain Facebook executive wrote an entire book about leaning in. I’m all about taking the lead in your career; but in terms of your relationship with your man and in the words of Fat Joe, “Lean back.”
Especially 30-50 year old women.
We’ve been checking that head of household box, voting in record numbers--saving the jobs of local politicians, buying homes and raising babies on our own, that some of us have forgotten how to take a backseat when it comes to dating.
Over my career, I’ve had to take jobs as a hostess and as a bartender. I cannot tell you how often I see women snatch the reins from their men and take control. It seems so natural to them; I don’t think they have a clue, to what they’re doing and the message that's being sent.
While hostessing, I’ve seen women walk right in, ask for a table for two and proceed to demand why the couple with the crying kids got sat before them, after they’ve been waiting for an hour. All the while, dude is on his phone scrolling through Instagram, letting her lead the way…lead him.
Or while at said restaurant, when something goes nastily array with their food, she not him, is the one being belligerent, rolling her neck and telling the manager what he ain’t gon do, demanding their money back.
Most recently while bar-tending, I had a thirty-something girl walk up to the bar with tip in hand (signaling to me: she got this), cockily throw down five single dollar bills, orders brown liquor for herself and then turns to her date and asks him what he’s drinking. Relays his fruity drink order to me and proceeds to pay with her credit card.
I get it, we pride ourselves on being strong. But sometimes we must be strong enough to show weakness.
And by weak, allow yourself to be vulnerable. According to Oprah’s favorite guest and best-selling author of Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”
• Let him order.
• Let him open doors.
• Let him deal with all those big bad wolves and bad service.
• Let your man save the day for you.
Employ the lyrics from the song Love of my life, by Erykah Badu: 'You be boy. I'll be girl..."
Yeah…what she said. Do that shit!
Here are a few ways to stop leading in the beginnings of courtship:
· Don’t call him to ask for dates. Trust me, you never have to remind a guy that it’s Friday.
· Don’t text him just to say hi or even send an emoji.
· Don’t poke, friend request, DM or follow him on social media or dating sight.
· Don’t initiate sex first.