The Whens of Change
Nope, not the winds of change, but the whens of change...in other words: NOT IF, but what or at which time, will all hell break loose?!!?
Change is a bitch and she does not play!
When she takes control of your life, she does not hold your hand, stroke your back, nor does she take any of your feelings into account. She's a maniacal hurricane 5, ready to roll all over yo ass and destroy anything in her path!
Sadly, she gives zero fucks that it's Christmastime...I told ya, this Ho, Ho Ho is NOT PLAYIN'!
How do I know?
I'm in the eye of the hurricane.
From the outside (if you don't know me), all seems calm. But inside my four walls, destructive winds are doing its thang. Destroying and breaking up once strong alliances/friendships, revealing secret enemies, peeling back layers of lies and even blowing away the falsehoods of family. Revealing to me, even when you're hanging on by your bare, bloody hands to that proverbial family tree, some family members will not have your back and help you to stay on dry land. They will revel in you being lost out to sea.
But most of all, this bad-ass bitch also known as change, is revealing my true self to me.
As I seemingly float out in vast dark waters alone, I'm left with nothing but my thoughts.
Nothing to hold onto .
Forget a life boat, I'm hanging on and fighting for my life...gripping the remnants of faith & hope.
For it's the only thing that's keeping me sane.
Hope is giving me the nourishment I need to stay afloat...as these metaphoric snakes and sharks swim ever so close.
So far, I've managed to escape being bit...too often. With every gain of confidence, knowing I have absolutely nothing to lose and my own fucks not given, I've discovered that this keeps the snakes and sharks at bay.
Leaving me to ponder, how is it, that I've spent most of my life trying to appease the snakes I had missed the fact, that by standing up for myself more, was my most effective omnipotent weapon?
And I know that these hurricane winds will eventually pass. World history has shown us that furor, hatred, oppression, can only last for so long. I once thought I'd be salty (pun intended), but I'm so grateful. Grateful to be set out to sea.
But as one of my favorite 70's love song says: "I can see clearly now that the rain is gone..."
Funny when a storm passes, you get to take inventory...go outside and see what's left.
Who's still there to support you?
Who's there to help you recover?
Who's there to help cleanup this mess?
Who's your anchor?
What's changed...for the better?
In the end, it doesn't matter who's there to assist you; you're still here.
Here to help yourself.
Here to put yourself first.
As a result, you now know you're stronger than you thought--a survivor.
Because inevitably another bigger, stronger wind storm will at some point in the future, strike your longitude and latitude coordinates.
But this time, you've synchronized all your systems (mind, body & soul) and prepared for the worst.
You will never escape the whens of change..change is unapologetically a by-product of life.
But when it does strike... change it up. Leave all fears outside.
And wake me when its done.
Have a wonderful holiday season,